My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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