I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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