dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
