I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
