i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
