She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
