I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
