I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
