just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
