i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
