i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
