Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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