i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
