You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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