So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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