I only kidnapped one of them. chill
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So vagazzling was a success
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
