Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
