i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
