her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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