VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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