some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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