a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
