Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
