Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
