I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
