I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
