it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
