She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
