hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
