I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
