Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
