I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
