i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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