I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
