I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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