I'm gonna have a badass scar
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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