Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
