Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
