i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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