Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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