i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
