she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
