Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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