Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
