I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
