well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
