so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
