Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
