she looked like the bat from fern gully.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You're a waste of cheezeits
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
