Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
