i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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