I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
