All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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