The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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