how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
