I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
